Gabriel We Need A Make Over

As our school expands with over 500 children, we have less play area. Room 17 has a solution. We’ve surveyed children from room 16-18 about what they would like for them to play in room 17’s courtyard. A courtyard make over is what we need. We even have evidence that not many people play in this un-enticing area.


During this term, we have had fields closed. So now we have crowded conditions in the breeze, on the court and in the new senior block. With all the crowded conditions, the juniors are fearful of the seniors. I just wish that the the fields were open again so it’s less crowded.

Our courtyard is also ugly. Just plain ugly. It has a big ugly ditch right in the middle, which blocks us playing on the court. That’s not all. The walls are also dirty and everyone sticks their hand prints on them. It looks ugly.

Finally, with-out having to accessing the fields, we need more places to play. We are all squashed on a tiny little courtyard and the breeze. With this little courtyard, it just feels like a waste of space. So we need to get this courtyard done. With this space, no one will be all crammed in one space.

All I want is for our courtyard to get a makeover so more kids can play in different areas.

The blue highlighting is for our vocabulary and phrases that we had to put in the story and the red is the paragraph he marked.This is the rubric that my class mate Crusader marked.